Fragrant Rose

Fragrant Rose

by John Cosper

SCENE ONE

(The stage is bare, or set with generic western props to set the mood. The Narrator sits in a rocking chair stage right.)

NARR- Our story begins in the old west, in the town of Verona.

(Hoss enters.)

HOSS- Hey, ho, hold on there, little missy!

NARR- Yes?

HOSS- You ain’t sayin’ that right.

NARR- Saying what right?

HOSS- The name of the town.

NARR- Verona?

HOSS- Yeah. It’s pronounced Vee-ronna. Not “Verona.”

NARR- Are you certain about that?

HOSS- Am I certain? Little lady, I grewed up in Vee-ronna. I’s born here, and dad-

blame-it, I’s a-gonna die here in Vee-ronna.

NARR- But wasn’t the town founded by gold diggers who came here from the Italian city

of Verona?

HOSS- I don’ care if Willem Shakespeare named it. We calls it Vee-ronna, and you’s a

gonna call it Vee-ronna.

NARR- Well let me make a note of that.

HOSS- See that ya do.

NARR- Can I resume the story?

HOSS- What story?

NARR- The story of Buck and Rose?

HOSS- Who’re they?

NARR- Your son, and the Indian princess he falls in love with.

HOSS- What? My son and an Injun princess? Huh uh! No way my son ever gonna falls

in love with some Injun!

NARR- Hey, I’m telling the story, not you.

HOSS- Why’s that?

NARR- Because I’m the one holding the story book!

HOSS- OH yeah. Just as well, I spose. I cain’t read.

NARR- Get out of here.

HOSS- I’m a gittin’!

(Hoss exits.)

NARR- That was Hoss Wiggins, one of the town elders. He’s also the father of the hero

of our story, Buck. So you’ll see more of him later… unfortunately. Anyway, as I said the town was called Vee-ronna, and it was indeed founded by Italian immigrants who came during the gold rush.

(Mercutio enters.)

MERC- Mama mia, that’s some spicy meatball.

NARR- Excuse me?

MERC- I just-a came-a from the Italian-a place down-a the street. The meatballs were-a

spicy. I need-a some Pepto Bismol.

NARR- But just a short ride outside of the town lived an entirely different world culture.

(Browning Nose enters.)

NOSE- How.

MERC- How do you do?

NOSE- Pale face, I here to get breakfast for family. You know where I can get breakfast?

MERC- Breakfast? Sure, I know where you can get breakfast. Do you like donuts?

NOSE- Donuts? Mmm, good!

MERC- Right over there, around that corner is the Hurtz Bakery. They make the best

donuts you ever tasted.

NOSE- Really?

MERC- You mean you’ve never had a Hurtz Donut?

NOSE- No.

MERC- You wanna try one?

NOSE- Sure.

(Mercutio punches Browning Nose.)

MERC- Hurts, don’ it?

NOSE- You pay for that, white boy.

MERC- Bring it on, Injun!

(Mercutio strikes karate poses, then moves in to attack Browning Nose. Browning Nose steps aside, puts Mercutio in a headlock and starts to noogie him.)

MERC- Ow!!! Ow! Ow! Ow!

NOSE- Say uncle!

MERC- Uncle!

NOSE- Louder!

MERC- UNCLE!!!

(Browning Nose drops Mercutio and exits.)

NARR- Suffice to say, the Indians and the people of Vee-ronna did not get along at all.

MERC- Ow! Hey, Injun, I didn’t mean it when I said uncle! I had my fingers crossed!

(Browning Nose walks back on stage coolly. Mercutio runs away.)

NARR- The Indians had been feuding with the Vee-ronnan’s ever since they moved in

and settled the town. And why not? The settlers put up all those high buildings that disrupted the Indians’ view of the sunset.

(Chief Dancing Gopher enters.)

GOPHER- This was such lovely place once. Rolling hills, beautiful lake. Would have

made nice golf course.

NOSE- I hear they going to build baseball stadium in fall.

GOPHER- Baseball? I hate baseball. Why no football?

(Dancing Gopher and Browning Nose exit.)

SCENE TWO

(Buck enters.)

NARR- But the feud meant nothing to the young people on both sides. Especially to

young Buck Wiggins, who wanted nothing more than to marry the lovely singer who worked at the Vee-ronna Cafe, Becky Brooks.

BUCK- This poem is a classic. When she hears these words spoken to her, ever so

sweetly, she’ll leap into my arms and be begging me to marry her.

(Becky enters, sees Buck, turns to leave.)

BUCK- Becky!

BECKY- Shoot!

BUCK- Becky, it’s your beloved Buck.

BECKY- So I smell.

BUCK- You may thing the idea of loving me stinks now, but wait til you hear my latest

composition.

BECKY- Buck, when are you going to get it through your head? I’m not interested in

you.

BUCK- Don’t you even want to hear the poem?

BECKY- No.

BUCK- Please?

BECKY- No!

BUCK- Pretty, pretty please? I’ll do anything, anything for you.

BECKY- Anything? Okay, I’ll listen to your poem…

BUCK- Yes?

BECKY- IF, you promise not to come hear me sing for a week.

BUCK- A week?

BECKY- A solid week!

BUCK- But what will you do without your cheering section?

BECKY- I’ll be able to sing without the distraction of some nut in the front row yelling

“Becky, I love you. Becky, marry me.”

BUCK- Okay. What the heck. Besides, once you hear this poem, you’ll be begging me to

write poetry for you.

BECKY- I’m sure I will.

BUCK- It’s called “Becky.”

BECKY- Oh, I wonder what it’s about.

BUCK- It’s about you.

BECKY- I was being facetious.

BUCK- Fa-what?

BECKY- Never mind. Read.

BUCK- (clears his throat) “Oh Becky, Becky, Becky, Becky, Beck

How I long to give your cheek a small peck

Oh Becky, Becky, Becky, Becky, Boo

Can you see how much I truly love you.”

BECKY- That was nice. I’ll see you—

BUCK- “Oh Becky, Becky, Becky, Becky, Bee

I’m praying some day soon you’ll marry me.

Oh Becky, Becky, Becky, Becky, Bay

I’ll rent a black tux on our wedding day.”

BECKY- That’s very sweet—

BUCK- (with renewed zeal) “Oh Becky, Becky, Becky, Becky Bye

No man could ever love you just like I.

Oh Becky, Becky, Becky, Becky, Bow

In winter we’ll make angels in the snow.”

BECKY- You done?

BUCK- Wait, one more couplet.

BECKY- Another one?

BUCK- A sonnet is fourteen lines. That was only twelve.

BECKY- Ugh.

BUCK- “Oh Becky, Becky, Becky, Becky, Buck

This sonnet is by Buck, Buck, Buck, Buck, Buck.”

That last line was a tricky one.

BECKY- Sounds like it. Well, bye.

BUCK- Hey, wait. We just had a special moment.

BECKY- No we didn’t. I just had to endure some of the worst verse ever committed to

paper. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to go wash my ears out.

BUCK- I’ll see you tonight then?

BECKY- You promised a week.

BUCK- Awww…

BECKY- A week!

(Becky exits. Mercutio enters.)

BUCK- See you in a week, then!

MERC- Did she like-a the poem?

BUCK- Hated it.

MERC- Oh, I’m-a so sorry.

BUCK- It’s okay, Mercutio. We must accept failures and successes with quiet dignity

and grace.

MERC- Right.

(Buck begins crying loudly on Mercutio’s shoulder. Mercutio nervously puts and arm around Buck.)

MERC- (to audience) Quiet dignity and grace.

(Hoss and Ma enter.)

HOSS- There he is, Ma. Our sissy boy.

MA- Oh will you stop? Can’t ya see the boy has a broken heart.

HOSS- How can ya tell?

MA- We mothers just know these sorts of things.

BUCK- Oh, Ma, Becky doesn’t like me.

MA- There, there, son. You’ll find a young lady who will love you for the rest of your

life some day. You just wait.

HOSS- Just make sure who ever she is, she ain’t no Injun!

BUCK- What?

HOSS- You heard me!

BUCK- I don’t want an Injun girlfriend. What makes you think I do?

HOSS- I dunno. That smart aleck narrator lady over there said you was gonna fall in love

with one.

BUCK- I am not going to fall in love with an Injun!

MERC- Excuse-a me, but the political correct-a term is-a Native American.

HOSS- Shut up, Mer-cutt-io!

MERC- It’s Mercutio!

HOSS- You’re in America now. It’s Mer-cutt-io! Or better yet, pick an American name

like, Billy Bob or Wyatt or John Wayne.

MERC- But I like-a Mercutio.

HOSS- Aww, go make some pasta. Now son, just be sure you doesn’t go fall in love with

no Injun.

BUCK- I won’t, Pa. My heart belongs to Becky, and I can never love another woman.

MA- Well there go my hopes of ever havin’ grandkids.

HOSS- C’mon, Ma. I’ve still got some work to do on the ranch.

MA- Yes, dear. Dinner will be about six tonight, Buck.

BUCK- Thanks, Ma. I’ll be there.

MA- Bye, Buck. By Mercoolio.

MERC- Mercutio!

(Hoss and Ma exit.)

BUCK- Woe is me, for my beloved does not want me.

MERC- Cheer-a up-a. You’ll-a find-a someone to love-a you. Wait and-a see.

(Mercutio exits.)

NARR- Buck was terribly forlorn over his latest rejection by Becky, and didn’t think he

could ever love again, but that was when he saw HER.

(Fragrant Rose enters.)

BUCK- Mercutio! Look there!

MERC- A native American princess!

ROSE- Excuse me, boys. Can you direct me to the bakery?

MERC- I know-a where-a you can-a getta hurtz donut.

BUCK- Are you crazy? How dare you think such a thing!

MERC- Buck, what has-a gotten into-a you?

BUCK- The bakery is around the corner to the right.

(Play romantic music as Buck and Rose stare into each other’s eyes. They take hands, walks slowly around in a circle, then go back to their original places. Mercutio scratches his head in confusion.)

MERC- (to audience) Well, you don’t-a see-a that every day.

ROSE- Thank you, handsome cowboy.

BUCK- You’re welcome.

(Rose exits.)

MERC- Buck, you-a gotta snap-a outta this!

BUCK- She’s a goddess, Mercutio!

MERC- A goddess-a? Buck, stop it! You’re-a falling in love-a with-a Indian like-a your

Papa said-a!

BUCK- I can’t help it. She’s so beautiful.

MERC- Well, I guess you can’t-a have-a drama without-a conflict.

BUCK- But I could never win her heart. (rips up his “Becky, Becky” poem)

MERC- You’re right-a. You definitely need-a help-a in the romance depart-a-ment.

(Igor enters.)

IGOR- Excuse me, gentlemen. Did someone say romance?

MERC- Yes-a. My friend, he needs-a help-a.

IGOR- (hands Buck a card) My card.

BUCK- Igor Jones, romance novelist, greeting card writer, romantic counselor.

IGOR- At your service.

BUCK- Are you kidding? A little hunchback is going to help me win the heart of an

Indian princess? What kind of qualifications do you have?

IGOR- You know those romance novels you can buy for a dime at the train station?

MERC- The ones with-a my cousin Fabio on the cover?

IGOR- I write them.

MERC- No-a kidding? Hey, Buck, girls-a like-a those novels.

BUCK- So you think you can help me win the heart of the Indian princess?

IGOR- I set up the president and his wife.

BUCK- How much do you charge?

IGOR- (pulls out rate sheet) If you want one date, $5. Short term relationship, $15. Long

term relationship, $45. Marriage, $100.

BUCK- Do you take credit cards?

IGOR- Visa or Master Card.

BUCK- I’ll take the marriage package.

IGOR- Excellent choice. I just need your card.

(Igor pulls out an automated credit card machine. Buck pulls out his Visa card. Igor scans it.)

IGOR- It’s approved.

BUCK- Oh boy!

IGOR- (hands Buck a piece of paper) Now, when she comes back around the corner, just

read this script.

BUCK- I got it.

IGOR- Come friend, let us away.

MERC- Good-a luck-a, Buck.

(Igor and Mercutio exit. Rose enters with a bag of bread.)

ROSE- Thank you again for your help.

BUCK- You’re welcome… (looks at script) You that doth teach the torches to burn

bright!

ROSE- What?

BUCK- It seems you hang upon the cheek of night

Like a rich jewel in an Ethiope's ear;

Beauty too rich for use, for earth too dear!

ROSE- (entranced) Go on.

BUCK- If I profane with my unworthiest hand

This holy shrine, the gentle fine is this:

My lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand

To smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss.

(Buck kisses Rose’s hand.)

ROSE- Oh my.

(Rose faints. Buck gets down on the ground and revives her.)

BUCK- Princess? Princess?

ROSE- (wakes) What happened?

BUCK- I kissed your hand and you fainted.

ROSE- Who are you, handsome one who speaks poetic words?

BUCK- My name’s Buck..

ROSE- Buck, what a beautiful name.

BUCK- If you say so.

ROSE- I am called Fragrant Rose, daughter of Chief Dancing Gopher.

BUCK- Can I do anything for you, Fragrant Rose? Get you some water? A pillow? Take

you out for dinner and a movie.

ROSE- No, not tonight. I must get back to my mother. She’s making spaghetti, and she

needs the bread to make garlic bread.

(Rose stands.)

BUCK- May I come visit you later this evening?

ROSE- Please do.

BUCK- I will.

ROSE- Well, bye.

BUCK- Yeah. See ya.

(Rose exits. Mercutio and Igor enter.)

IGOR- Well?

BUCK- I have a date to see her tonight!

MERC- Congratulations, Buck!

IGOR- Are you going on a date?

BUCK- Moonlight rendevous. Do you have something else I can use?

IGOR- Not for moonlight redevous. But I tell you what, I’ll hide in the bushes and feed

you lines.

BUCK- I don’t know.

IGOR- It will be fun. And it will make for some great comedy.

(Buck, Mercutio, and Igor look at the audience, then back to each other.)

BUCK- All right. Let’s do it.

(All three guys exit.)