Facade

by John Cosper

SCENE 1- "Jade"

(Lights up. The curtain is down. A fashion show styled runway extends from the stage into the audience. A large poster of the Façade model hangs down at center. The poster depicts the model in the outfit she wears during Scene 1 and features the "Façade" logo in the lower right corner. Nikki enters, carrying a shopping bag. She stops, looks up at the model. Techno-music plays. The curtain and poster lift. The stage is white, with white see through curtains. A ramp three feet wide, three feet high, and ten feet long is at center. The ramp is set so the top is up stage, and the ramp descends towards down center. Jade stands at the top of the ramp. Smoke machines fill the stage with a low fog. A large fan is on the stage right of the ramp, blowing up towards Jade. A technician, Mike, is by the fan. Heidi walks around with a light meter, miming a conversation on a headset to the unseen lighting director. Dawn stands off stage left. She stands beside a chair and a small table stocked with make-up and hair dressing accessories. Jade holds for a few seconds, then moves forward at a deliberate pace. Mike pans the fan to follow her down the ramp. She walks out onto the runway, does a turn, poses for both sides of the audience, then walks back up the runway to the foot of the ramp.)

MEL- (in back of the audience) Kill playback!

(Music stops.)

MEL- (walking up through the audience, onto the runway, and to Jade) Okay, that looks

great. Then when you get to this spot, you do your turn, look directly into the camera and say your line. Marvelous. This is gonna be great. (to Heidi) Are you set?

HEIDI- Just about, Mel.

MEL- Mike?

MIKE- Yeah, looks like it's going to work.

MEL- Excellent. (looks at Jade) Oh, honey, you're working up a sweat already? (to

Dawn) Can you freshen her up a bit?

DAWN- Sure thing.

(Jade walks over and sits in the chair beside Dawn. Dawn goes to work on her make-up.)

MEL- Excellent. Okay, people. We're going to do this in five.

(Mel walks over to Jade and Dawn. Heidi walks over to Nikki.)

HEIDI- Can I help you?

NIKKI- Me? Oh, I think I just got a little lost.

HEIDI- This is a closed set.

NIKKI- I'm sorry. (points at Jade) Is that the Façade girl?

HEIDI- Jade? Yeah, that's her.

NIKKI- Jade? That's her name?

HEIDI- Yeah. Her show biz name, anyway.

NIKKI- Surely it's not the name she was born with.

HEIDI- Probably not, but it sure sounds exotic, don't you think?

NIKKI- Is she nice?

HEIDI- She's sweet, I guess.

NIKKI- Huh. You know I've always wondered what a fashion model was like in real life.

Seems like every picture, they pose with this expression on their face like they're so…so…

HEIDI- Above the rest of us?

NIKKI- Yeah.

HEIDI- Nothing could be further from the truth. These models are no more extraordinary

than you or me. They wake up with the same nasty morning breath. They put their pants on one leg at a time. They spill food on their laps, trip on the stairs, belch when they've had too much soda, and sneeze when they get a cold. They're all regular girls like you and me. Except "regular" doesn't sell clothing, so we paint them and light them and pose them in a way that makes them seem like goddesses from ancient Greece.

NIKKI- Tough life.

HEIDI- Tougher than you realize. Especially since most of them are forced into

retirement before they're 30.

(Mel sees Nikki, walks over to Nikki and Heidi.)

NIKKI- I never would have thought about that.

HEIDI- Who would? Most people only look at the surface. They never think about

what kind of surprises lie behind the pretty face.

MEL- Excuse me, this is a closed set.

HEIDI- I'm sorry, Mel. I was just about to escort her out.

MEL- We're trying to shoot a commercial here.

NIKKI- I'm terribly sorry, sir. I didn't mean to interrupt.

MEL- (hears a magic quality in her voice) What?

NIKKI- I didn't mean to interrupt.

MEL- (enchanted) Say that again.

NIKKI- I didn't mean to interrupt. (frustrated) I'll just be going.

MEL- No! (blocks her way) No, please, don't go!

NIKKI- But you just said--

MEL- Forget what I said. I was insane. Heidi, go back to your lights. (puts his arm

around Nikki) Now, say those words again.

NIKKI- I didn't mean to interrupt?

MEL- Oh, what music. Now, say, "Façade: The 'You' you show the world."

NIKKI- The "You" you show the world?

MEL- With authority. Declare it: The "YOU" you show the world!

NIKKI- The "You" you show the world.

MEL- Wonderful. Simply wonderful. What's your name?

NIKKI- Nikki.

MEL- (shakes her hand) Mel Koonce, commercial director. Nikki, can I ask you a

question?

NIKKI- Besides that one? Sure.

MEL- A sense of humor! I love it. Nikki, how would you like to be in a commercial for

Façade?

NIKKI- Me?

MEL- Yes, you. My dear Nikki, you have that certain something. You've got IT.

NIKKI- It?

MEL- That magic quality viewers love. The quality that pulls John and Jane Doe off the

couch and sends them to the mall screaming all the way, "I must buy that product!"

NIKKI- Thank you.

MEL- No, thank you. You have just saved my television commercial.

NIKKI- Me?

MEL- Yes, you. You are the missing piece. The cherry on top. You are going to make

this commercial.

HEIDI- All set, Mel.

MEL- Thanks, Heidi. Mike, you ready?

MIKE- Ready.

MEL- How's my star?

DAWN- She's ready, Mel.

MEL- Jade, come over here, darling. I want to make an introduction.

(Jade walks over to Mel.)

MEL- You'll like Jade. She's a real sweetheart. (to Jade) Jade, I'd like you to meet

Nikki… what's your last name?

NIKKI- Schottelkottee.

MEL- Nikki Day.

NIKKI- Nikki Day?

MEL- Trust me, doll, you'll never go anywhere in show biz with a name like that. Jade,

Nikki. Nikki, this is Jade.

NIKKI- (shakes Jade's hand) Nice to meet you.

(Jade smiles, starts to speak. Mel motions and stops her from speaking.)

MEL- Uh, chit-chat later. We need to shoot this commercial. Jade, you know your mark.

Down the ramp, turn, vogue, vogue, back up the aisle, turn, and say your line. "Façade, the 'YOU' you show the world."

(Jade nods, walks back up the ramp.)

MEL- Dawn, go ahead and clear your stuff. Places, everyone!

(Heidi exits. Mike walks back to his fan.)

NIKKI- If I'm going to be in the commercial, shouldn't I be getting makeup and

wardrobe?

MEL- No, you don't need any makeup.

NIKKI- I can't go on camera like this.

(Mel takes Nikki by the arm, leads her to down stage right.)

MEL- You're not going on camera.

NIKKI- But you just said I was going to be in the commercial.

MEL- You are, but you're not going on camera.

NIKKI- Then how am I going to be in the commercial?

MEL- (yells) Quiet on the set! (to Nikki) Your voice.

NIKKI- My voice?

MEL- We're using your voice. Like a bird singing its morning song.

NIKKI- You want me to sing?

MEL- (yells) Camera ready! (to Nikki) I want you to speak.

NIKKI- Speak?

MEL- Speak.

NIKKI- You mean like an announcer?

MEL- I mean like Jade.

NIKKI- What do you mean, like Jade?

(Heidi enters with clapboard.)

MEL- She walks down the aisle, does her thing, walks back, turns, and speaks. Only we'll

use your voice instead of hers.

NIKKI- Oh, no. I couldn't do that.

MEL- Why not?

HEIDI- (holding out clapboard) Façade spring line commercial, take one.

(Heidi snaps the clapboard and exits.)

NIKKI- I couldn't be her voice. Look at her. She's gorgeous, and I'm… I couldn't possibly

have a voice as beautiful as hers.

MEL- Action!

(Music plays. Jade walks through her paces as before. When she returns to the foot of the ramp and turns, music stops abruptly.)

JADE- (in an annoying, squeaky, ditzy, New York accent) Façade: da YOU ya show da

woyld.

MEL- (to Nikki) You were saying something about her voice?

(Jade, Mike, Mel exit. Curtain and poster drop. Nikki is left alone in front of the stage, looking at the poster. She shakes her head and exits.)