The Bearded Ladies Easter

by John Cosper

SCENE ONE

Tragic music plays over the PA system. Lights up. As the play opens, Helen is on stage. She wears tattered rags, and some stuffed pigs are on stage with her. Cassie walks on with quiet confidence and begins to narrate. Daisy is off to the side opposite Cassie, following along with a script.

CASSIE- And so the prodigal found herself broke, and penniless. Her money squandered on pleasures, she soon found herself in a place she never expected to see: feeding pigs in the muck. But it was there the prodigal finally came to her senses.

HELEN- What a fool I am. Here I am, tending to pigs in the field, poor, destitute, eating the very pods that feed these pigs. While back home, in my father's house, the least of his servants has a warm blanket, a good meal to fill his belly. I must go back home, and beg his forgiveness. Perhaps he will accept me back as one of his hired hands.

CASSIE- And so the prodigal ran home, all the while rehearsing the words of pleading

that might win favor with the long-forsaken father.

Kristie enters, wearing a beard.

CASSIE- But while the prodigal was still a long way off, her father saw his lost child,

and ran to her.

Kristie runs toward Helen, trips, and accidentally tackles her.

KRISTIE- Sorry. (helps Helen up) Sorry.

CASSIE- The father called out to his servants, and said:

KRISTIE- (stilted, forced; she is a terrible actress) Go in hate!

DAISY- Haste.

KRISTIE- Haste, yes. Go, in haste, and bring some.... some stuff...

DAISY- Rings for her fingers?

KRISTIE- Yes, good idea. Rings, and... sandwiches, cause she's gotta be hungry--

DAISY- Sandals for her feet??

KRISTIE- Oh yeah. That too. Bring it all out here and give it to me.

DAISY- You mean your daughter?

KRISTIE- Okay, yeah. Give her the stuff and kill the fattened cat!

Daisy enters.

DAISY- Cut!!! Kristie?

KRISTIE- Yes?

DAISY- Did you study this script at all?

KRISTIE- Of course I did.

DAISY- You can’t just go on stumbling over every line like that. You’ll ruin the moment.

KRISTIE- I’m sorry, Daisy. I’m doing my best.

DAISY- Well you need to do better. We have to do this skit in half an hour!

KRISTIE- I know that, Daisy!

DAISY- Then start acting like it!

HELEN- Hey! Will you leave him alone? I’m in the middle of something!

KRISTIE- I’m not a him!

DAISY- Helen, don’t start with me!

HELEN- No, I have something to say, and I will not let you minimize my feelings.

DAISY- Oh gosh.

HELEN- I was at the point of reconciliation with my father, when you interrupted!

KRISTIE- Whoa, I am NOT your daddy!

HELEN- I know, I don’t deserve to be called your child any more. But if you could see fit to hire me as your servant…

KRISTIE- Well, my car could use cleaning.

            Daisy groans and storms out.

KRISTIE- Well it could! Have you smelled it?

            Kristie follows Daisy out.

HELEN- Father, please! Please forgive me!!

            Helen chases them both out.

CASSIE- It seemed so simple when my friend Daisy first suggested we start a drama ministry. We had witnessed a great drama group performing at a youth conference, leading us to ask that most dangerous of questions… how hard can it be?

Daisy, Helen, and Kristie cross over again. Daisy is walking fast, trying to get away. Kristie is defending her acting. Helen is still in character, pleading for forgiveness from her “father” Kristie.

CASSIE- Never ask how hard it can be. Don’t get me wrong, the hard work and headaches pay off when God touches a life. But you wouldn’t believe the trials we’ve faced. My name’s Cassie, and around here, my friends and I are known as the bearded ladies. No, it’s not because of an unusual amount of facial hair. It has to do with the fact that for a long time, we were never able to recruit a single guy into the fold. So we’ve had to play every role ourselves… male, and female.