ALIENS!

by John Cosper

Scene 2

 (Dreamy, child-like music plays between scenes during set change. A bed is set on stage, surrounded by pillows, stuffed animals, and dolls. The head of the bed is upstage. Shelly is under the covers, with her head towards the foot of the bed. Music fades out. Shelly slowly peers out from under the covers.)

SHELLY- Are you afraid of the dark? Are you afraid of the monsters, and the slime

            creatures, and the bad guys, and...and the ghosts, and the robbers, and the bed

            bugs, and all the things that go bump in the night?

(Shelly looks around.)

SHELLY- I’m not! I used to be real scared, ‘cause like, every time it’s time to go to bed,

            everything outside gets dark, and you can’t see anything. You have no idea where

            you are, or who else is in that place with you. Could be my mom. Could be a bug-

            faced, kid-eating Frankenstein monster, just waiting for you to go to sleep...so he           can EAT YOU!!!!

                        I always kept a glass of water right beside my bed, in case the wicked

            witch of the west came after me. And in case there were monsters under the bed

            or in the closet, I had this snorkel (pull out snorkel) and I’d crawl under the

            covers and use the snorkel to breathe, ‘cause everybody knows monsters can’t get

            you when you’re under the covers. (smiles) I learned that on the Far Side.

                        But now, I’m not scared of the dark, or monsters, or anything at all!      ‘Cause I got nothing to be scared of. I’ve got protection now. The High    Commander, sent me these four rocketmen with laser guns, and they stand guard

around my bed. One on each corner: Vinnie, Horshack, Freddie, and Epstein. They don’t let nothin’ get at me! When the monsters come, BAM! When the bed bugs try to bite me, SQUASH! And when the demons try to make me be a bad girl, WHA-CHA! And when the Zit Monster comes...(giggles) we just send him down to my sister Amy’s room.

                        See, a couple of weeks ago, I became an alien! Yep! I’m an (slowly

            pronounces the next two words) in-ter-plan-e-tar-y, ex-tra-ter-res-tri-al (confident)

            bean! It wasn’t as cool as they show in the movies and stuff. I didn’t turn green or

            grow antennacles or nothin’. My daddy says all the changes are on the inside, and

            if I follow the voice in my heart, everybody will know I’m an alien because of the

            way I act. That’s pretty cool, but I still wish they’d at least give me a laser gun.

                        But you know, I asked my daddy about that, and my daddy said he didn’t

            even have a laser gun. Then he told me that when the High Commander came to

            Earth, he didn’t carry a gun either! And he didn’t defend himself he was captured.

(Shelly stands up, re-enacting the story’s action with her teddy bear.)

                        His enemies stripped him and beat him. They dragged him through the

            streets, and then they killed him! Then they buried him, and they all said, “Ha!    That takes care of that! He’ll never stop us now! It’s Miller time!” But while they

            were enjoying the high life, the High Commander raised up from the dead! So

            now, he’s unstoppable! Unbeatable! And he was so happy because now he could

            save all his friends. He told them he was going to take them all to a better place,

            but first he wanted everybody in the whole world to have the chance to become

            his friend...including the bad guys who killed him! So he sent his friends out to

            make more friends, and that’s how I got to be an alien because somebody told my

            grandpa, grandpa told my daddy, and my daddy told me! Groovy, huh?

                        My daddy’s one of his ambassadors. His job is to teach everybody at the

            embassy how to help other people become aliens. And you know what? He said if

            all the peoples he’d ever made into aliens, I was his favorite one. He tells me all

            about what the High Commander is doing all over the world, and he’s even told

            me what he’s planning to do when the comes back.

(As Shelly continues, her Tyler enters from behind. He sneaks up on her.)

                        You see, there’s gonna be this really, really bad guy who’ll take over the                        world first, and he’ll tell everybody he’s the High Commander, even though he’s       not. But lots of people will believe him and make him their leader. But just when

the bad guys think they’ve won, the High Commander will sweep down from the sky, rescue his army of believers, and destroy the forces of this evil world.

(Stops and listens.)

SHELLY- Do you hear that? I think it's my Mommy and Daddy coming. It must be close

to bedtime. Not that I have a bed time, but they're old, and they need me to be quiet so they can get some sleep. But before I go, you wanna hear a bedtime story? (pause for answer) I said do you wanna hear a bedtime story? (pause for answer) You better speak now, or you'll be off to bed without a story. (pause for answer) Okay, well I'm going to tell you one of my favorite stories. It's the story of Davy and the Space Giant. The story began in the middle of a great war. The Aliens were fighting against a great army of giants! And among these giants was the biggest, meanest, toughest warrior ever to grace the battlefield: Goliath!

MUSIC- “Too Legit to Quit”

(Goliath enters.)

SHELLY- STOP!!!!!!

(Music stops.)

SHELLY- What’s that noise?
GOLIATH- That is my theme song.

SHELLY- (shrugs) Any-stinkin’ ways... The giant roared in a haughty voice and cried

out...

GOLIATH- I am the great Goliath, the champion of the giant army, fearless against any

            foe, undefeated in combat!

SHELLY- Well...duh! If you’d been defeated, you’d be dead!

GOLIATH- Shut up, you little weasel! I didn’t upstage you!

SHELLY- Oh yeah? You ain’t so tough! I could lick you myself!

GOLIATH- Oh yeah?

SHELLY- Yeah!

GOLIATH- Oh yeah?

(Both look at the audience, then each other.)

SHELLY/GOLIATH- Sorry.

SHELLY- For a week, the giant walked out onto the battle field, challenging anyone from

            the alien army to come out and face him.

GOLIATH- I challenge anyone from the alien army to come and face me!

SHELLY- But no one did.

GOLIATH- Didn’t think so.

SHELLY- Yes, everyone was afraid of the big, fearsome giant, except one.

(Long pause.)

SHELLY- I said, everybody forgot about the high commander. Except one.

(Davy stumbles on stage as if he was pushed on.)

DAVY- All right, all right all ready! I’m going!

SHELLY- Who the heck are you?

DAVY- I’m Davy!

SHELLY- You’re Davy?

DAVY- Yeah.

SHELLY- As in Davy and the Space Giant?

DAVY- Yeah.

SHELLY- You’re the giant killer?

DAVY- Yeah.

SHELLY- (shrugs) Any-stinkin’-ways... Davy wasn’t a trained soldier. Just a poor

shepherd boy.

DAVY- Oh make me feel so much better, huh?
SHELLY- He boldly stepped forward and said...(long pause) I say, he boldly stepped

            forward and said...Your line, Davy!

DAVY- Oh. Hey, you, do you dare to challenge the forces of the almighty high

            commander?

GOLIATH- (confused pause, thne nods confidently) Yes, that’s the idea.

TYLER- And Davy replied...Come on, Davy, before I grow up and get my license would

be nice!

DAVY- I’ll do it! Don’t rush me! (to Goliath) Your actions are foolish, o mighty giant, 

            for he will give me victory over you this day, even though I am only a shepherd

            boy. (aside) Dang, I gotta be crazy to do this.

SHELLY- The giant laughed, and he mocked his challenger!

GOLIATH- (laughs) Bring on the wimp!

SHELLY- Davy, that’s you!

DAVY- Wait! I need to get some kind for a weapon first.

SHELLY- How ‘bout a high powered jet laser rifle?

DAVY- Do you have one?

SHELLY- No.

DAVY- How about a blaster pistol?

SHELLY- Uh uh.

DAVY- What about a wooden hatchet?

SHELLY- Not even that.

DAVY- (worried) A butter knife?

SHELLY- Sorry.

DAVY- (really worried) A spork?

SHELLY- Nope.

DAVY- For crying out loud, I need something!

(Shelly pulls out a paper wad and hands it to Davy.)

SHELLY- Here you go, Davy.

DAVY- You’ve gotta be joking.

SHELLY- I’m a six-year old, not a comedian. Now get in there.

DAVY- (aside) The guy in the original story at least got rocks.

SHELLY- So? We’re raising the stakes! It’s good drama!

DAVY- (mocking) Any-stinkin’ways...

SHELLY- Boldly, Davy stepped onto the battlefield.

(Davy whimpers as he steps toward the giant.)

SHELLY- And the giant Goliath--

GOLIATH- Hang on! I'm working on a date for later!

SHELLY- Goliath stepped out to meet him.

GOLIATH- (to the hottie) Sorry, I gotta go kill some dork. I'll call you, okay?

SHELLY- Under his breath, Davy whispered a request for help to his high commander.

DAVY- Whisper nothing. (screaming) Please, God, get me outta this alive!!!!!!!!

SHELLY- He grabbed the first paper wad!

(Davy holds up the paperwad.)

SHELLY- He readied his shot.

(Davy pulls back. Goliath lifts his weapon.)

SHELLY- And fired!

(Davy hits himself with the paper wad and falls to the ground in pain. Goliath lowers his weapon in disbelief and disgust.)

DAVY- Ow, that hurt!

SHELLY- Oh come on! (grabs the paperwad and aims) Like this!

(Shelly hits the giant.)

GOLIATH- (pause) Ow. That...that kinda hurt. Oh, I’m not happy.

DAVY- (confident) Step aside, Shelly. This giant’s mine!

(Davy grabs the paper wad, closes his eyes, and hits the giant.)

DAVY- Did I hit him?

GOLIATH- Medic!

(Goliath falls dead.)

DAVY- (pretending to stab Goliath) SPORK!!!

SHELLY- So with the strength of his high commander, little Davy became a national

hero. The end!

DAVY- Wow. I feel so...heroic, I guess. (to Tyler) Can I go now?

SHELLY- Of course.

DAVY- (running off) Bye.

(Shelly walks to the dead Goliath.)

SHELLY- Umm, excuse me? The story's over.

GOLIATH- (prissy English accent) Are we done then?

SHELLY- Yes we are.

GOLIATH- Splendid. (stands) I think it went well this evening.

SHELLY- Sure.

GOLIATH- See you tomorrow evening? Same time?

SHELLY- Okay.

GOLIATH- Cheerio.

(Goliath exits.)

SHELLY- And now, all of you have to go, because it's bed time, and I can't have you

waking Mommy and Daddy. But first, gotta say my prayers. (prays) Thank you for this pretty day. Thank you for the rainbow I saw this afternoon. Thank you for sending your rocketmen to protect me from the monsters and the bad guys. Thank you, because I know that no matter what happens, you will always be there for me. Just like when you gave Davy the courage and strength to face Goliath, you will give me the strength to face whatever dangers come into my life. Amen.

(Shelly runs off to sleep. Davy enters.)

DAVY- HI!!!! (wait for audience response) I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to the

High Commander. But it's okay, you didn't know. You can listen if you want, I don't mind. Did you all see me kill the Space Giant earlier? Yeah, well, I just came back out 'cause I wanted to say thank you to the High Commander. 'Cause, you know, as cool as it was to take out that awful giant... you know, there's just no way I could done that without His help. I mean come on, I'm just a little boy. A wimpy little boy. And if that's not bad enough, I'm being played by a girl! I mean if the real me was still alive, he'd be rolling over in his grave. (thinks) Actually, if he was alive, he's probably be screaming, "Help! Help! Get me out of this box! I can't breathe!" (laughs at self) But seriously, there's no way a littler kid like me should have beaten a trained warrior like Goliath, even if he does use MC Hammer as his entrance music. But I did it, and it was all because I had faith! The High Commander said Himself, if you have faith of a child, you can do anything. You can move a mountain. You can knock off a giant with bad taste in music. Makes you wonder... why are adults always telling us kids to grow up? Well, if growing up means losing your faith, count me out of that. I may just be a little shepherd boy, but with God, nothing is impossible. BYE!!!!

(Blackout.)