Morbidman Meets the Pink Nightmare
By John Cosper
Based on characters created by
John Cosper, Sara Elston-Moore, Brian Foster, and Sharon Weaver
CHARACTERS
Narrator
Morbidman/Scott Brooder- A depressed super hero
The Pink Nightmare- A hero dressed in pink
ADHD Man- A hyper hero with a towel for a cape
The Pretty Good Warrior- A pretty good hero
The Towel Snatcher
Sara- A resort hotel worker
Morbidman lays out on a cabana chair on vacation. He has a pina colada beside him, and a towel draped over the back of his chair.
NARR- It was a gorgeous day in paradise. The sun was high, the beach clean, the pina coladas cold, and Scott Brooder was this close to doing something he never thought possible.
Sara walks by.
SARA- Have a nice day!
MORBIDMAN- You know what? I think I am!
NARR- Yes, the billionaire also known as the super hero Morbidman, for whom every day was the worst day of his life, was actually enjoying a nice, stress-free, hurricane free vacation at the beach. But just when all seemed right with the world...
The Towel Snatcher runs on an swipes Morbidman's towel.
SNATCHER- Ha ha ha ha!
MORBIDMAN- Hey, what are you doing?
SNATCHER- I'm robbing you!
MORBIDMAN- You're taking my towel?
SNATCHER- Yes!
MORBIDMAN- But if you steal my towel, I won't be able to dry off after a swim! I'll have to put my clothes on while I'm still wet!
SNATCHER- I know! That's what makes me evil, muah ha ha ha ha!
The Towel Snatcher runs off.
MORBIDMAN- Just when I thought I was gonna have a nice vacation. No matter, this looks like a job for Morbid--
ADHD Man runs on, trips and falls, knocking Morbidman down. The Pink Nightmare and the Pretty Good Warrior also enter.
MORBIDMAN- Say, what's the big idea?
PINK- Sorry, citizen! You'll have to excuse my colleague. He thought you were a villain.
MORBIDMAN- Who are you people?
PINK- Allow me to introduce myself. I am the Pink Nightmare! And this is ADHD Man, the most hyper and caffeinated hero in the world, and my faithful sidekick!
ADHD- Sidekick? Where do you get off calling me sidekick?
PINK- I got top billing in the skit, right? Morbidman Meets the Pink Nightmare?
MORBIDMAN- Wait a minute, you're super heroes?
WARRIOR- (copying the Roxbury boys) No... YESSS!! Man! Works every time.
MORBIDMAN- And who are you?
WARRIOR- I'm the Pretty Good Warrior.
MORBIDMAN- The Pretty Good Warrior? Any relation to the Ultimate Warrior?
WARRIOR- Yeah, he's my step-uncle.
MORBIDMAN- No kidding?
ADHD- And who are you, all dressed in black and brooding?
MORBIDMAN- I am the great hero of Terminus City, Morbidman!
WARRIOR- Morbidman? Haha, that's the dumbest super hero name I ever heard!
ADHD- You tell 'em, Pretty Good Warrior!
PINK- Much as we'd love to get acquainted, we have a villain to catch.
MORBIDMAN- Yeah whatever, Pinky. He stole my towel, I'm gonna bag him.
PINK- This is our jurisdiction, pal... but hey, who are we to resist working together in the spirit of super hero unity?
MORBIDMAN- You want to work together?
WARRIOR- Sounds cool!
ADHD- I like him!
PINK- Cool! We'll make our base of operations in his hotel room!
MORBIDMAN- Now wait just a minute!
Quick set change: a table with a phone and chairs are brought on for the hotel room setting. ADHD Man gets a glass of milk and some Oreos. The Warrior exits.
NARR- Yes, it was quite an adjustment for Morbidman to be working with other heroes. Back in Terminus City, he had his pals Everyman and the Master of the Obvious. But the Pink Nightmare and her gang had very different ways of doing things.
ADHD Man begins eating Oreos without dipping them in milk.
ADHD- Mmm, I just love Oreos.
MORBIDMAN- What are you doing?
ADHD- Eating cookies.
MORBIDMAN- That's not how you do it! You dunk them in the cup, and then eat it all together.
ADHD- Says who?
MORBIDMAN- That's just how we heroes do it! We've always done it that way!
PINK- Will you pipe down? Have a seat, and I'll tell you my plan.
MORBIDMAN- What? You? Plan?
PINK- Sure.
MORBIDMAN- You can't plan!
PINK- Why not?
MORBIDMAN- Only men can be leaders in super hero crime fighting teams!
PINK- Who says?
MORBIDMAN- Who doesn't say? You ever see Batgirl giving Batman orders? Or Wonder Woman bossing Superman around?
PINK- All right, fine. You have a plan?
MORBIDMAN- I'm working on it.
PINK- Well while you do, I'll call the mayor.
MORBIDMAN- You can't call the mayor! That's man's work too!
PINK- Hold him down, ADHD Man, so I can get a clean shot at him.
The Warrior enters.
WARRIOR- Hey, Morose guy, you got any towels?
MORBIDMAN- No, they were all stolen.
WARRIOR- Darn. Oh well. I'll call room service. I need a shower.
MORBIDMAN- What??? A shower???
WARRIOR- Yes.
MORBIDMAN- Why?
WARRIOR- Because if I didn't take one, I'd be the Pretty Smelly Warrior.
MORBIDMAN- Super heroes don't take showers! They take baths!
PINK- Not necessarily!
MORBIDMAN- Yes, necessarily! How you gonna get clean if you're not fully immersed?
WARRIOR- As long as I have the power of Dove soap, does it matter?
The Warrior picks up the phone.
MORBIDMAN- Wow, you guys have it all wrong.
WARRIOR- Room service, I need towels.
Knock at the door. The Warrior hangs up.
MORBIDMAN- Who is it?
SARA- (off) Room service, I have your towels.
MORBIDMAN- Come in.
Sara enters with towels.
SARA- Here you go, sir. Where would you like them?
The Towel Snatcher runs in, grabs the towels.
SNATCHER- I'll take those!
MORBIDMAN- Put down those towels, villain!
SNATCHER- No way! No one's gonna be nice and dry on this vacation if I have anything to say about it. That goes for you too!
The Towel Snatcher steals ADHD Man's towel/cape. ADHD Man flips out, attacks the Towel Snatcher and beats him up.
WARRIOR- Great work, ADHD Man! You stopped the Towel Snatcher!
ADHD- I did, didn't I? Who's the sidekick now?
MORBIDMAN- Wow... you saved the towels. And without my help. Maybe I misjudged you all. Our ways may be different, but we all have our gifts that can be used to serve the common good.
SARA- That's so noble. I love a man who can admit when he's wrong.
MORBIDMAN- You do?
SARA- NOT!!!
NARR- And so it was that Morbidman learned a lesson, that even though his brothers and sisters in crime fighting had different traditions, they all had the same purpose.
WARRIOR- And that's a lesson not just for super heroes, but the children of God.
PINK- Wow, I never thought of it that way.
MORBIDMAN- Yeah, that's pretty good.
WARRIOR- And that makes me pretty good, too!
Blackout.