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By John Cosper

CHARACTERS

Hannah and Suzie- Modern Christians

Peter

John

Jesus

HANNAH- I can’t believe they put this garbage on TV.

SUZIE- What is it?

HANNAH- It’s that TV commercial again. The one where the pastor’s criticizing Wal-Mart, asking if Jesus would ever shop there. Such a waste of time.

SUZIE- You really think so?

HANNAH- I know so. Jesus never said anything about big box stores or union labor in his sermon. He was too busy trying to save us from our sins.

SUZIE- I used to think the same thing, Hannah. But I just read in a book that it just isn’t so. Jesus had quite a lot to say about Wal-Mart, even though it wouldn’t be invented for another 2000 years.

HANNAH- What? You’re putting me on.

SUZIE- Oh no! It’s all in this newly discovered scroll. And it goes something like this…

PETER- Teacher, what is the greatest commandment?

JESUS- I have already told you to love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself.

JOHN- See? I told you!

JESUS- However…

JOHN- However?

JESUS- There is one command greater even than these.

PETER- Well, tell us, Lord.

JOHN- We must know so we can fulfill your will.

JESUS- I will reveal it to you in this parable. A certain man had two sons. One of the sons came to him and said, ‘Father, give me my inheritance.’ So the father divided his estate, and his son left to squander his wealth on wild living. He was soon penniless, and tending pigs. And he thought to himself, ‘Even my father’s servants have more to eat than this. I will go home and ask him to make me a servant.’ But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and ran to him. And he said, ‘Where did you get those pants?’ And the son said, ‘I bought them at Wal-Mart.’ The father said, ‘Get behind me, Satan! What you have done is an abomination to the Lord!’ And he cast his son into the lake of fire, where there was wailing and gnashing of teeth.

JOHN- Master, are you sure you got the right ending on that one?

JESUS- Of course I’m sure! I’m the Messiah.

PETER- That’s the most important commandment?

JESUS- You don’t think it’s pretty important?

JOHN- I guess. But is it more important than loving God? And our neighbor?

JESUS- Oh way more important than that!

PETER- What about feeding the poor? Defending the innocent? Or spreading the good news about you?

JESUS- Are you deaf, Peter? It’s all about Wal-Mart! You have to stop Wal-Mart!

PETER- Okay, okay. We won’t shop at Wal-Mart!

JOHN- Of course. Far be it for us to defile ourselves in that evil place.

JESUS- Truly, I tell you, a time is coming when all will fall away, seduced by the lower prices generated by volume buying. But woe to you when you shop at a place that pays slave wages! Woe to you when you shop at a place that rejects union contracts! Woe to you when you shop at a place that practices gender bias!

JOHN- Gender bias? Unions? What is this strange teaching?

PETER- I don’t know, but it sounds anything but family-friendly!

JESUS- You see at last. I tell you the truth, he who heeds my word is like a man who built his house on a rock. The wind blew and the waves crashed against it, but the house held strong. But whoever ignores my word is like the foolish man who built his house with tools and supplies purchased at Wal-Mart. The wind blew and the waves crashed against it, and the house fell into the lake of fire, where there was wailing and gnashing of teeth.

HANNAH- Wow, what an eye opener. Here I always thought Jesus wanted us to spread his gospel by loving our neighbors.

SUZIE- I know. It really makes you think.

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