By John Cosper

Gary Taylor was shaved, showered, and half-dressed before he was even fully-conscious. That’s the beauty of modern technology, he thought to himself as he faced the start of another work week. Though no longer a gold medal tier salesman (the current term in vogue for salesman being "life enhancement persuasion specialist") Gary still eked out a decent living, affording him the chance to play with the latest gadgets. His eyes adjusted, focusing on the image in the bathroom video screen, allowing him to see the man his prospects would see when he appeared in their teleporters this beautiful day. The perfectly groomed appearance brought a smile to his face.

"You’re going to hit quota today," he assured himself.

The truth plagued Gary’s mind as he moved to the kitchen to eat his freshly prepared breakfast. He hadn’t made quota in months. The mega-conglomerate buyout had changed everything. New blood, younger blood, now sat in the sales director’s chair (or the 'regional director for life enhancement persuasion’s chair'), and new blood was already filling the cubicles around Gary and the other "old timers", as the rookies called them. New sales tools were pushed out to the field constantly, but management refused to give the old guard training on new technologies, setting the stage for forcing Gary and his old pals out on the street.

The green glow of the teleporter in the corner of the kitchen distracted him from his pity party. A handsome young man in a shirt, tie, and name tag beamed at him.

"Hi there," said the young fellow. "I'm Tom, and I'm here from the Church of Latter Day Saints."

Gary checked the clock. "A bit early, isn't it, Tom?"

"I like the morning," said Tom. "And it's a lovely morning the Lord has made. Can I give you a copy of the--"

"Tom? No offense, but I'm eating breakfast, and getting ready for work."

"That's cool, that's cool, but I could still leave a--"

"Don't bother," said Gary. "I gave at the office."

"Okay," said Tom, no clue what the ancient cliché meant as he evaporated in a green light. Gary smiled. Amateur. It took a lot more than breakfast to get a real pro like Gary to give up on a prospect.

Gary shook his head. He made it a point to be polite to telemarketers. After all, they were colleagues. Twenty years earlier Gary was one of the first to take advantage of teleportation as a sales technology, beaming into homes around the world in an effort to sell space-age technology vacuum cleaners. But there were limits even to Gary's patience. You just don't interrupt someone over breakfast.

He finished his meal and let the automated kitchen move the dishes into the washing machine. He stepped into the bathroom to let the laserbrush clean his teeth, then grabbed his demonstration kit before returning to the kitchen, where a nubile young woman stood by the teleporter.

"Hi," she said in a sultry tone. "Are you lonely?"

Gary sighed. "Not since this crazy machine was invented."

"If you're looking for companions, you can meet hundreds of other singles like me. All you have to do--"

"Ma'am, I'm late for work. Can we talk later?"

"All right then," she said. "But if you want to beam into the Singles 'Port, later, ask for me. I'm Tisha." She stepped into the teleporter and vanished with a wink and a quickly blown kiss.

"Give me the good old days of cyberdating," Gary muttered as he stepped into the teleporter, activated his handheld guidance controller, and beamed his way to work.

The apartment vanished, and Gary arrived in another teleporter half way around the world at the Kumar Vacuum Cleaner headquarters building in New Delhi. Now owned by a mega conglomerate in Bern, Switzerland, it was only a matter of time before the building - as well as the aging salesmen - was retired. Such a shame, Gary thought. The building had such a lovely early 21st century design.

"Gary!" Gary's boss Ed beamed at him as he made his way to the sales floor. "Good to see you, pal. Numbers were up last week."

"And headed further north," Gary said with bravado.

"What I wanna hear. That's what I wanna hear!" Ed moved on, having completed his daily niceties for the old timer. Ed couldn't care less how Gary performed. Gary was holding up a place that some young hot shot could fill, but he wasn't going without a fight.

Gary plugged his guidance controller into his work terminal, downloading the addresses for the day's sales trips. Forty new names, forty unannounced visits in homes around the world. Mostly Midwest-North American stops today, Gary saw. Good. The friendly folk of the Midwest were usually easy marks. He moved to his teleporter and set the guidance controller for the first address in Ames, Iowa.

"Where you headed?" Gary's long time pal Carl was just plugging in his first cold call as well.

"Ames, Iowa," said Gary.

"Lucky," said Carl. "I got Gary, Indiana."

"Ha-ha, top man buys beer tonight?"

Carl shrugged. "Why not? Beats TV and long distance salesmen popping in on me all night."

"Good luck," said Gary, as he stepped into the teleporter.

It was a nice apartment that came into view, clean and trendy. Gary stepped down from the teleporter onto the carpet, demonstration kit in hand, looking for someone. Anyone.

"Hello?"

The heads of a scantily dressed man and woman popped up from the couch, the woman swearing loudly in fright.

"It's okay," the man said, "It's not him."

It wasn't the first time Gary had interrupted people in or near the act of love making; matter of fact that often led to a quick sale. His sales spiel began as if on auto-pilot.

"Morning, folks. I'm Gary, and I came all the way from India to show you--"

"Sir, this is really not a good time," said the woman. She was dressed in a tiny tank top and shorts, covering herself in a blanket. "If you wouldn't mind--"

The trained vacuum cleaner salesman's eye saw it before she did: the bowl of popcorn tipped over and spilt all over the floor by the edge of her blanket.

"Oops. Looks like I got here just in time," Gary said, unpacking the Kumar 300X, the finest vacuum cleaner in the world. "If you step aside, at no charge to you--"

"Really, sir," the man was now pushing Gary toward the teleporter. "I think you need to leave."

"I'll only stay a minute," Gary said brushing past the half-clothed man. "Then I can leave my number, and some literature about the Kumar 300X vacuum, as well as the other amazing products from Kumar. Can I plug in?"

"Roger, get him out of here!" the woman yelled.

"You'll thank me for this, ma'am." Years had thickened Gary's skin toward negativity, shielding him from the alarm in the young couple's voices. He plugged in the vacuum and went to work on the popcorn as the man and woman frantically dressed. "See how easily the Kumar 300X picks up the big pieces with the dust? Even the tiny little kernels are no sweat for Kumar!"

"Seriously, this is a bad time, Mister," Roger said. "You have to go."

"I understand," said Gary, beginning to pack his equipment away. "I can tell you two have a lot to do. You make a great couple, by the way."

"That's just it," the woman said. "We're not a couple."

That stopped Gary's momentum, just as he was about to lay the Kumar brochure on the coffee table. "Oh... I see."

Roger checked his digital watch. "It's almost ten. If Dan beams in now..."

"Say no more." Gary let the brochure drop to the table, scooping up his demo kit. "I'll just be on my way--"

"Me first!" Roger shoved Gary back.

"Too late!" the woman shouted, as the teleporter glowed green and a tall rock of a man appeared. He gazed about the room, examining faces that did and did not belong. Diplomacy being one of his sales strong points, Gary spoke up. "You must be Dan. I'm Gary from the Kumar Vacuum Cleaner Company, and your wife will tell you--"

"Tell me what?" Dan cut him off. "Tell me what her ex is doing here when I'm coming home from a business trip?"

"Dan, calm down," the woman said. "There's a logical explanation for all of this."

"Yeah?" Dan stepped down from the teleporter, positioned in such a way that neither unwanted man could escape. "Start talking, Krissy. I'm all ears."

Krissy swallowed hard. "Well, Roger dropped by to give me news about his... mother. She's in the hospital. And then this nice fellow showed up with his vacuum cleaner. Just crazy timing, you know?"

"Tell me about it," said Dan. "Two dates scheduled at once? You're getting to be a busy girl."

"Dan, really," Roger said, shuffling backwards. "It's just like she said. My mom's real sick. She and mom were close. I needed someone to talk to. I made a bad call."

"Bet your life you did," said Dan, moving in on Roger. "Just like the time you came over to give her a birthday gift. And the time you came to borrow some sugar."

"Stop it, Dan!" Krissy yelled. "Don't hurt him!"

"What do you care?" said Dan. "You told me you never wanted to see him again. If he won't make it happen, I will!"

Roger swung boldly at Dan, who blocked his punch and countered with a sickening kick to the gut Gary could feel. His heart was beating fast, yet his feet were stuck as if in concrete. Dan knocked Roger flat with another punch in the face as Krissy ran in.

"All right, Dan!" she said with defiance. "You hurt him, now I'll hurt you!"

"What are you going to do?" Dan raged.

"You want to know why I keep seeing Roger? Because of this! Because you're a caveman, and he's a REAL man!" Krissy started backing up as Dan stalked her, fire in his eyes. "Roger would never use physical violence to make a point. Roger never left me for three weeks straight with hardly a phone call. Roger doesn't leave after we make love to go bowling with the boys!"

Dan reached out and grabbed Krissy by the hair. "You little whore! You're going to pay for this!"

Roger staggered to his feet. "Take your hands off her!"

Dan rolled his eyes, then brought a .30 caliber laser blaster out of his coat and shot Roger, blood spurting everywhere as he fell.

"Nooooo!" Krissy shouted. "You monster!"

"Monster?" Dan repeated. "I'm no monster. I'm going to give you what you want." He aimed the gun into her stomach and fired. "Be together, in Hell!"

As if an electromagnet suddenly released him, Gary felt his feet come off the floor and fly in the direction of the teleporter, his eyes transfixed on Dan as he leaped inside triggered the guidance controller, beaming himself out of the apartment and harm's way.

"What the...?" Gary was surprised to find himself not at work, but back at home. He checked the guidance controller and saw, in his panic, he had triggered his home address. He stepped out of the teleporter into the kitchen. Home. Safety.

He sat down, slowly, letting his heart begin to slow. He started panting, realizing he had held his breath through most of the ordeal. He was also sweating profusely. Still he was safe. And as long as the psycho didn't follow him back--

"He has my address!!"

As if on cue, the teleporter glowed green. Gary ran out of the room, cowering behind the sofa in the living room in utter terror. Silence. Then footsteps. Not angry, but steady. Then a voice.

"Hello? Anybody home?"

Gary peeked and saw a thin young man holding an electronic book. He breathed a tremendous sigh of relief. Just an encyclopedia salesman.

"Hi there!" The sigh gave him away, and the sales pitch had began. "You look like a man with a great thirst for knowledge. Might I take a moment to share with you the wonders you'll discover in the Encyclopedia Galactica?"

Gary stood, his heart beat finally slowed to normal. "What's your name, son?"

"Billy Siler, sir. And might I say, you have a lovely apartment."

"Billy, do yourself a favor," said Gary. "Go back to your office and quit."

Billy was a bit taken aback. "Sir, there's no need to get personal."

"It's not personal," said Gary. "I almost died today doing what you do."

Billy swallowed hard. "Died??"

"Long story," Gary sat on the edge of his couch. "It's not safe out there, kid. Take my advice or leave it, but I'm gonna find another line of work."

Billy stood silent, an awkward moment. "You got any ideas?"

"Nope," said Gary.

The kid smiled. "I do. No teleportation, unlimited earning potential."

Now Gary smiled. "Shall we get some early lunch?"

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Dan stood at the teleporter, gazing at the empty space where the salesman had just vanished. His shaking hands slowing, his grip easing on the gun. He turned to see Roger standing up, twisting his neck from side to side. "How was that for a death scene?"

Dan smiled. "Looked great, Roger. The new squibs looked so real!"

"I still don't see the point," said Krissy, wiping some fake blood off her shirt. "It gets all over my carpet."

"Small price to pay for teaching those telemarketers a lesson!" said Roger.

"There's no respect for privacy any more, is there?" Dan asked.

"Not at all," said Roger. "A man can't even enjoy some alone time with his own wife!" He winked at Krissy, who beamed back at her husband.

"Well, I'll certainly give you love birds some space," said Dan.

"Thanks again for your help," Krissy said.

"No problem. Page me if you need me again," said Dan.

"You and Gail do the same," said Roger, pulling his wife in for a kiss as their neighbor vanished in a flash of green light.

Copyright 2006 by John Cosper