Roll Over Beethoven

By John Cosper

Camera flashes rippled through the auditorium. Men and women gasped. The mammoth raised its trunk and let loose with an other-worldly trumpeting sounds as it stepped from the cage onto the wooden stage. Five handlers held fast to ropes connected to the harness around the might beast's neck.

"Ladies and gentlemen, words cannot describe what I am feeling right now." Tony Winters was truly beside himself. The reporter who broke the news about the world peace pact of 2070 and the first commuter flight to the Martian colony had never found himself at a loss for words until now.

"I am literally fifty meters from a creature that has not walked this Earth for centuries, and now lives again. It's simply beautiful, like seeing an alien being walk the planet. I am awestruck! This is truly a great day for Johnny Beethoven."

Tony glanced up to the third balcony box, where the green-suited man in black shades sat coolly in his seat, as if unmoved by the spectacle. The president of JBG Inc. never showed any emotion; it was part of his mystique.

Tony continued as best as he could. "To my right an entire section of zoo managers and amusement park heads are completely abuzz. I think it's fair to say the money machine that is JBG will see another dramatic windfall from this new scientific breakthrough."

Tony's trained eye caught the movement of green. Mr. Beethoven was on his feet and out of sight in a flash.

"Kill it, Danny," Tony instructed the cameraman.

Danny glanced up to Beethoven's box, then at his reporter. "Tony, don't do this. We were given specific instructions!"

"I was given specifics. I'll take the heat. I want Beethoven."

Danny struggled to keep up with Tony as he fought through the crowd. Once again, they were chasing the unicorn. Just four years ago, the man came seemingly out of no where to build a multi-trillion dollar company. After watching Beethoven collect a Nobel Prize for his breakthroughs in space travel technology, Tony utterly failed to nail down the reclusive genius for an interview. Often times, Tony recalled The blank look in Beethoven's eyes as he rolled up the window of his limousine, looking at Tony as if he were deaf while Tony screamed, begging to ask just a few questions. That look ignited an obsession that could only be quenched by the man, the myth himself.

Tony spent his free time and vacations digging up any stray information he could on the founder and mastermind behind JBG. Every lead ultimately led to a dead end. He had degrees, but no school records. He claimed a home town in central New York, but no one there remembered the tall, lanky figure with a young, fair complexion and snow white hair. There were no living relatives, no close friends. Even his closest business advisors reported their interaction was more about long distance phone calls than after work drinks.

Tony led Danny outside the auditorium through a side door. Danny pointed out into the darkness. "There he goes!"

Tony swore under his breath as he recognized the white stretch hover car pulling out of the lot and zooming onto the road to the interstate.

"Okay, we lost him. Let's go get the mammoth," said Danny.

Tony just shook his head. We have to get to the airport before he does.

He was off, headed to the remote vehicle rented for tonight's huge press conference. Danny had no choice but to follow. "Boy are we going to get it."

Tony had the car in gear and ready to roll before Danny arrived. He piled in as fast as he could, just lifting his second foot into the car as Tony hit the accelerator, launching them into the night.

Danny could feel the vibrations off the propulsion-drive system in the late model Chrysler. It was all Beethoven's doing, of course, and one of the reasons Danny empathized with Tony's obsession. Danny loved science, though he was never any good at it, and he was fascinated by men who had such a keen mind for all things scientific.

Beethoven began his amazing career by filing seven patents, technologies that allowed the science of space travel to leapfrog to Mars and beyond. Beethoven changed the way people traveled, from the engines to the life support systems. Then he made distance travel even more practical by moving into communications, patenting a radio system that would allow space travelers instant communication with Earth from far greater distances than ever before. Then, as if for an encore, came cloning. The woolly mammoth lived again, and Tony's sources inside JBG were correct, T-Rex would follow.

"What the..." Tony leaned over the steering wheel. "He's not going to the airport." Indeed, the exit for the airport had come and gone, and the limo showed no sign of slowing.

"Is he driving back to Boston?" Danny wondered.

"I doubt that very much," said Tony.

"Then where's he going?"

They traveled on in silence another twenty minutes, getting off the loop and turning south. A few miles south the limo signaled it was getting off the Interstate.

"Southport," said Tony. "Just as I expected."

"Really?" said Danny. "Anything else we can expect?"

"I hope so," said Tony. "Grab my black bag out of the back."

Danny reached behind him and grabbed the bag. "Look in the front zipper pocket."

Danny opened the pocket and pulled out a laminated pass. "JBG -

Southport."

Tony smiled knowingly. Ahead, Danny saw the small JBG sign leading off

the main road. Tony slowed down to follow at a more cautious distance.

"You knew this place was here?" said Danny. "How?"

"I'm a reporter, Danny," Tony said. "And I will get this story."

"How'd you get the pass?" Danny asked.

Tony took the pass in his hand and clipped it on his shirt. "Deb and the kids didn't get a very big Christmas this year."

"You get busted with that, there may not be Christmas this year."

Tony killed the lights, pulling the car over a short distance from the entrance to the JBG compound. "If it works, they'll have a Christmas they'll never forget."

Tony got out of the car, Danny following. "You got two of those badges?"

"Only one, amigo," said Tony. "I need you to keep an eye out. I'm putting my phone on silent mode. If you see anything suspicious, buzz me. And if I'm not out in an hour..."

"Wait longer?" Danny smiled.

Tony smiled and nodded, then dashed off toward the compound. It wasn't much from the outside, just a large white building with no windows and a metallic dome in the center. Nearing the building, he could see seams in the dome. It opened up, but for what purpose? How would he find out?

Tony adjusted his pass as he approached the guarded entrance, not far from where the limousine was docked. Two men packing concealed weapons eyeballed him from a hundred yards away. He felt highly exposed approaching the guard gate, his palms sweating. But both men merely nodded as he approached.

"Evening," one man said.

Tony was cool as ice. "Nice night, huh, boys?"

"Gorgeous out." The first guard activated the coded door, and Tony was inside JBG.

It felt like stepping onto a space station. Tony was slow and cautious, taking his first few steps in a space a privileged few knew existed and fewer had tread. The walls were smooth, arching up to a rounded ceiling more than fifteen feet in the air. The floor was some new material he had never encountered, firm and get gentle on the feet. It was incredible comfortable to a man who had been on his feet eighteen hours straight.

He reached an elevator lift with only one arrow: down. Clearly there was more to this facility than a simple ground floor operation. He started to reach out for the elevator call button when thin fingers tapped his shoulder. Tony spun around and found himself face to face with Johnny Beethoven himself.

"You can find what you're seeking a lot faster if you follow me," said Johnny.

Tony was star-struck. Johnny smiled a lip-less smile and started down the hall. "We haven't much time, Tony. I suggest you hurry."

At the sound of his name, Tony started after the reclusive trillionaire genius, uncertain what lay ahead. He caught up to Johnny Beethoven and tried to keep pace with his long strides.

"You're wondering why I was not alarmed at your appearance tonight," said Johnny, articulating the question he was still too stunned to ask. "It was I who arranged for you to buy that pass. A reward of sorts for your persistent attention."

"You let me buy the pass?"

Johnny nodded. "Tomorrow morning, a check will arrive at your office FedEx to cover the bribe you paid my employee. I'm also sending you Christmas gifts for the family you neglected. A poor judgment call, if you ask me, letting them pay for your obsession."

"I'm a journalist," said Tony.

"You are indeed." Johnny stopped near a white door with a keypad beside it. He entered the door code, and the doors slid open.

Tony followed Johnny onto a balcony overlooking what could only be described as a UFO. A small team of technicians were working on the circular machine.

"You've seen this before, I assume," said Johnny. "The X-99 Air Force program. I know you had a look at those plans not six months ago."

Tony blinked hard then looked at Johnny. "Mr. Beethoven, I don't know what to say. I've spent so many hours researching who you are and where you came from, and you know far more about me than I do you."

Johnny smiled. "Not all of JBG technologies are common knowledge. A handful of patents are classified Most Secret by the Pentagon. Spy technology that bought me friends in high places, as well as a way to keep tabs on the curious."

"Like me," said Tony.

"Like you." Johnny pressed a button attached to the balcony railing, and the balcony began to descend. "I must apologize for my rudeness so many moons ago. Privacy has been a dire concern from day one for me. Please believe me when I say your being here now is a reflection of the fondness I have for you and the interest you showed in my work. You came so close to discovering my end game so many times, I felt it only right to reward you."

A lump in his throat, Tony asked the inevitable journalist question. "I assume that means this is on the record? Exclusive?"

"No one will believe you," said Johnny. "And I won't be here to confirm or deny once the story breaks."

"You won't be here?" It seemed so obvious, yet ludicrous to voice it. "You're an alien?"

Johnny answered by removing his trademark shades, revealing red eyes with narrow, vertical slits for pupils. Tony felt his heart leap up into his neck at the sight, just as the balcony jolted to a halt on the hangar floor.

"I played around with contact lens technology for two years," said Johnny. "Then I figured, why bother?"

Johnny replaced the glasses on his face and led Tony on a walk abound the space craft. "I am giving you and exclusive, Tony, but in return, you must agree to wait four months for its release. It must appear to be business as normal for JBG another four months, until the T-Rex is unveiled. When that happens, the stock will split three times, and the good people who helped me thus far more than compensated."

Tony nodded. "That will give me time to put a book together. More profitable for me."

"That's what I was thinking," said Johnny. "Something to get people thinking about us visitors before we return."

"You're coming back?" asked Tony.

"Maybe not me personally," said Johnny, inspecting the inner workings of the UFO himself. "But I like to think the next chap who beams in from the stars will have an easier time, not have to play cloak and dagger."

"As much as you've done for us," said Tony. "I doubt anyone would treat you poorly."

"I don't know," said Johnny. "I've taken in quite a few alien movies. You all are consumed by fear!"

Tony had to give him that. "So you're from another planet. You're obviously going back. What brought you to Earth? Ship wreck?"

"Hardly," said Johnny. "I was dropped here by representatives of our own space exploration administration. It was decided I would become one of you, build a business, and teach you a few things about science that might expedite your own space travel. Our way of paying you for what we planned to take."

Tony felt a shiver. "Take? What, uh, what would you want from us?"

Johnny turned to a computer terminal. He entered a password, and called up a 3-D graphic on the holoport beside the terminal.

"Do you recognize this structure?" Johnny asked.

It looked familiar. Tony had seen similar devices in photographs in old

history books. "It's a satellite. Right? American, mid-twentieth

century."

"You called it Voyager. Your space people launched this satellite decades ago, a message of greetings and peace to us. We found the gesture quite touching, if not a sign of fear for what might be out there."

Tony shrugged. "Well like you said, you've seen our movies."

"And heard your music." Johnny pressed a button on the terminal, and a new image appeared. "You sent it to us on this, a golden record. Sounds of Earth it was called. We are a musical people, and most of it was, well, garbage."

Tony winced. "Did you just call the greatest composers of Earth garbage?"

Johnny nodded. "But there was one track that touched us like no other. So it was decided that I would come to Earth, and bring this beacon of light some place it could be fully appreciated."

Tony looked at the UFO. "So that's why you're here? Came to pick up a few CD's?"

Johnny smiled, then led Tony out a side door, without speaking a word. Tony played catch up, then tried to keep pace. "What was it? Beethoven? Is that why you took his name?"

They came to a red door marked "Cloning Lab", where Johnny entered another code. The red door opened, and a wash of guitar music hit Tony's ears, as distinct as the face and clothing on the man who played."

"Chuck Berry?"

Chuck stopped playing. He smiled and nodded to Johnny. "Hey, J man!"

Johnny put a hand on Tony's shoulder. "Chuck, this is Tony, the reporter I was telling you about."

"Hey, man, nice to see you. Heck, it's nice to be seen after all these years!"

It was all clear - and yet incredibly illogical! "Do you mean to tell me," said Tony. "You heard 'Johnny B. Goode' on that golden record, traveled to Earth, built up our space program, then built up our cloning technology... so you could clone Chuck Berry and take him home?"

Chuck laughed. "These cats are crazy, huh?" He tore into another guitar riff that seemed to delight Chuck's benefactor, Johnny, finishing with a flourish.

"Chuck, you are all we hoped you would be. It is time."

Chuck nodded, unplugging his guitar and packing it into a case. Johnny himself shut down the guitar amp and activated its hoversystem to lead it out to the UFO.

"My bags packed, baby?" Chuck asked.

"You can check for yourself before we leave," said Johnny.

Johnny and Chuck moved past Tony, headed down the hall to the hangar. Tony ran after them.

"Wait a second!" he said. "You can't just leave now. I have so many questions."

"I've just answered them all," said Johnny. "What more do you want?"

"I want to believe you came to Earth for more than just Chuck Berry."

"Sorry, Tony," said Johnny, opening the door to the hangar. "It's the truth."

Chuck and Johnny walked to the UFO ramp, where Chuck took the amplifier and boarded the ship. "If there's anything else you need," said Johnny, "better let us know now."

"Sure thing, J man," said Chuck, as he boarded the UFO.

Johnny turned to the highly despondent reporter. He frowned. "I don't believe you. All these years you sought answers about me, and after I lay bear my whole purpose for being here, you're disappointed."

"I'm sorry," said Tony. "It's just... Chuck Berry???"

"Yes, Chuck Berry! Like you said, we heard his song on the golden record, and just had to have more!" Tony caught the initials of Johnny's company on the wall. JBG: Johnny B. Goode. It added up, but Tony still didn't like the sum.

"It just doesn't make sense. Of all the things you could have taken... planetary resources, art, philosophy, you want Chuck Berry?"

Johnny nodded. "Look, you have a decent little planet here. But your scenery is average, your art is dull, your philosophy backwards. The only thing of real value is Chuck Berry, who you people foolishly squandered!"

"Squandered?" Tony said indignantly.

"Sure!" said Johnny. "Have you heard 'Johnny B. Goode'? I mean have you ever really listened to it? It's the greatest piece of music ever recorded in the galaxy!"

"Greater than Beethoven?"

"Like Chuck said himself, 'Roll Over, Beethoven'!"

"You people are mad!" Tony shouted. "You hear one song, you think Chuck Berry’s some sort of savior? For heaven's sake, 'Johnny B. Goode' only reached number eight on Billboard!!"

"Which just goes to show what feeble minds you Earth people have. I mean, Elvis? Really?" Johnny shook his head and walked back to the saucer.

"This can't be it!!" Tony was beside himself. You didn't cross billions of light years for more Chuck Berry!"

"Yes," said Johnny. "I did."

"But there has to be more to this life! Surely you know something, something you can share with us!"

"I've freely shared what I know," said Johnny. "And this is the last of it: nothing in a thousand years has made my people happy quite like Chuck Berry."

"Nothing?" Tony asked.

"Not one thing," said Johnny.

"What about love? Or, religion?"

"Religion?"

"Yes," said Tony. "What about God?"

The alien sighed. "The ancient ones believed in God. It seemed to make them happy... til we all rejected him."

Tony watched Johnny ascend the ramp into the saucer. His time was almost over. Just a few more questions.

"Why did you stop believing in God?"

Johnny looked at Tony, eye slits narrowing. "Why did you?"

Agnostic that he was, Tony did not. "I don't know really. I guess I was hoping you'd show me... something."

Johnny nodded. "I guess we all want the same thing in this universe. Well, we're out."

Johnny hit the button to close the ramp. "Wait!" Tony shouted.

"Sorry, Tony, we really must go. Thanks for all the attention though. I loved your reports on me. Inspired stuff."

The door shut. The bottom of the saucer glowed a furious purple and lifted straight out of the silo as if plucked by the hand of a giant child and was gone.

Thirty minutes later, Tony tapped on the window of the car. Danny woke with a start. He got out of the vehicle. "Gosh, I just had the weirdest dream," said Danny, stretching. "I could have sworn there was a UFO flying out of that dome over there."

Tony nodded. "You did, Danny. You did."

Danny sensed the lack of joy in his reporter's voice. "Something wrong?"

"Oh," said Tony, "Nothing I won't survive."

"Was Mozart in the UFO?"

Tony nodded.

"Was he... and I can't believe I'm saying this. Is he and alien?"

Tony nodded again.

Danny let out a long whistle. "Wow. So what was he doing here?"

"His people sent him here," said Tony. "Because they wanted to hear more Chuck Berry."

Danny nodded taking the news in stride.

"Chuck Berry," Tony repeated. "Of all the things in the galaxy they could have sought to make them happy, they wanted Chuck Berry."

Danny shrugged. "Well, at least it wasn't Meatloaf."

Copyright 2006 by John Cosper